A Thousand Monkeys

Here's the situation.

The bank in the US has some forms that must be signed, returned, and received by the IRS by December 31, 2005. Sounds easy enough. I receive an email from the bank saying it has sent the materials via FedEx, addressed to us in Cuyutlán. A day or so later I receive a call from a FedEx agent asking where we would like the materials delivered since they don't know where Cuyutlán is. I say "Colima." They say "OK. The package will be there on Monday." I don't press too hard even though I know Monday is a holiday as it is Virgin of Guadalupe Day.

I receive a call from our man at the bank asking if we received the package. I say that we will be going up to Colima to get it on Tuesday since Monday . . .etc..

Tuesday morning we are on the road to Colima by 8:45. By 9:30 we are trolling Avenida San Fernando looking for the FedEx office which I know is on that road since I had been there a couple of years ago to pick up a letter from my Mother. We can't locate it so pull into the parking spots for DHL. I inquire. I am told by an incredibly surly agent that the FedEx office is down the street on the other side of the main glorietta or roundabout. Nada. What I do find is the Western Union office. So I pop in there, ask the same question, "¿Donde esta el officina de FedEx?" and am told it is the other way, next to the Bancomer bank. Back we go and where do we end up?
At the DHL office. I try again and Mr. Charm tells me this time that there is no FedEx office in Colima. We will have to go to Guadalajara. Not a chance. That's about 3 1/2 hours driving time.

I call the bank when we get home and explain what has happened. Our man at the bank calls today and says he will send the papers by FAX, then we can send them back to him by post. I tell him I will get the number of the local FAX spot and call him. I remind him that by post it can take anywhere from one to four weeks. This means we are going to have to return to Colima, chat up Mr. Charm. I am not looking forward to this. However, this story is not over.

I go downtown and go to the cybercafe/FAX place. It has moved from a ground-floor location to an upstairs spot, reachable by one of those only-in-Mexico mountain goat stairways that go straight up with narrow stairs and high risers. I get the FAX number and, while coming down, miss a step and tear up the ligaments and muscles on the top of my left foot. Fortunately I do not sprain my ankle.

I make it home, call the bank, relay the FAX number, then wait. The bank calls to say the FAX number is not working. Well, if it is between 2 PM and 4 PM, the office is closed for comida and siesta. After 4 PM I call the internet. Yes, the FAX is now on and ready to receive. I call the bank. OK, they'll send.

Fifteen minutes later I get a call from Justino, who runs the cybercafe/FAX. Yes, a FAX came for us but his FAX machine is out of ink and it didn't print well enough to be legible. So here I am, propped up in bed with an ice pack on my foot because I fell down his stairs and he's calling with this news. But hey, what can I do. The bank had also sent these documents in Acrobat as an attachment, so I said to Justino that I would forward the documents to him, he will print them on a real printer with a real ink cartridge, and then call me.

It's been half an hour. Any bets?